Breath.

[Gay-Bree-L]

Ever wonder what would drive someone to jump off a bridge into a heavy flow of traffic.?

To the outside world, his life seemed perfect. He had a loving mother and father, good grades. He even wore nice clothing. Yep, to the untrained eye, Blu, had it all. But the outside world didn’t see his dad when he was drunk or hear the arguments he had with his mom over the phone. Never felt his broken hearts. But you see the funny thing is, to the world he showed a smiling face. He had the “No, don’t worry about me,” mind set. So how could one tell what was going on if he didn’t show it.

Ever wonder what would drive someone to gather all the pills they have and shove them down their throat?

It all started with a simple phone call to his mother. It began the same way as every other telephone conversation with a child mother. “Hello mom.” “School is going fine.” “I love you too.” But as the dialogue went on Blu notice something in his mother’s voice. “What’s wrong mom?” was relied with the typical response, “Nothing, its nothing.” followed by a subject change. “Do you like all your classes?”
The funny thing about human nature is this, words themselves have little meaning, but what truly matters is the tone of voice in which the word is spoken in. One could say, “I love you.” In different tones and have a different meaning for the phrase. That’s why “I love you” is overrated.

Ever wonder what would drive someone to put a gun to their head and pull the trigger?

“Is he hitting you again?” though his mom tried to hide her pain for him, Blu was able to tell that she was hiding something. Women tend to think they are so sneaky in hiding emotions, but the truth is whenever a woman speaks some sort of feeling trickles out along with the words. “Is he hitting you again?” He asked again. A pause followed which was soon followed by “Blu, I have to go.” The line goes dead, the beeping thing on the cell phone announces the call has been ended.

Ever wonder what would drive someone to dive in a pool and stay under until they all the breath had left their lungs?

Why do people ask questions to answers they already know? Of course his father was slapping his mother around. And Blu could do nothing about it. What can a teenage boy who is attending school far away from home do? That’s when the fake smile comes in. That’s when the cap off the things he keeps bottled inside becomes tighter. That’s when he forgets how to breathe.

Ever wonder what would drive someone to tie a rope around their neck jumping off a high place?

The pool, his last saving grace. Ever since Blu was a child he had always love going to the pool with his mom. There was nothing like holding you breath underwater and for a moment feel weightless. We’re not just talking about the affect of gravity here. No, complete weightlessness, where all of your problems just seem to melt. He loved feeling weightless. Nowadays whenever he is feeling like the weight of the world was too heavy he would go to the indoor pool. Go to the pool and just jump in. Just let the world melt away to the smell of Clarified.

Ever wonder what would drive someone to cut their wrist open and watch the blood flow?

Tonight, bypassing the closed signs, Blu walked himself to the pool. He jumped in without even bothering with his clothing. The water felt so good to his skin. He ducked his head under and that’s when the idea came to his mind. The idea sort of just came out of nowhere really. No where near from planned. But after a while of holding his head under the water Blu managed to come up with a idea. “What if I never came up?” His goal was not to kill himself but to remain weightless. “Yes that’s a great idea!” Luckily his jeans, which were now heavier thanks to the addition of water, held his body down. He stopped kicking his legs allowing his body to sink to the bottom. Time passed and the boy soon forgot how long he was down there. At one point his lungs began to scream. “Breath! Breath!.” His mind screamed back harder. “Weightless!” So he stayed.

Ever wonder what its like to feel so small?

“Breath!” Blu’s lungs screamed even louder. But his mind told him no. “Stay and be weightless.” As time passed by he became more aware that his body was slowly shutting down. His heartbeat becomes slower. His fingers and toes became numb. Yes, his body was beginning to shut itself down. And being weightless was starting to hurt. “Breath!” Screamed his lungs one last time, and his mind let him go. Blu flouted to the top taking in a deep breath as he reached the surface. He got himself by the edge of the pull pulling himself out. His body quaked and shivered. His lungs punished his suicide attempt with coughs that tore his throat. Tear fall from his eyes but he didn’t notice. “I feel so small.” “I know baby, but try not to worry about me.” “I’ll try mom.”

I do.

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