Post by Jocelyn on Mar 8, 2007 6:27:43 GMT -5
It could have been a million years. It could have been her lifetime. Now there was no time at all, it stood as still as she, head heavy with the knowledge of what she had just given up. She wanted this, she knew, and even though it broke her to turn from her loved ones, to put an end to the safety and comfort she had found in this place for so long, it was hurting so much more to stay. She ached inside for her former confidence, her sense of self and purpose, the old Jocelyn that they once loved. But above all else, she longed for freedom from the fear that held her back from what she could be, who she wanted to be.
If the tears that turned her eyes to glass were to fall, they could drown cities, missing as she did her Andre, her husband, the man that she would live for. If her black heart would bleed, it would do so for him alone, and now he was, as the world they once shared, terribly out of reach. She breathed deep, taming the feeling of remorse building in her chest. Now that Anna had agreed to let her go, and had severed the tie that held them together, Jocelyn was feeling truly alone. She felt as if she was suffocating beneath the darkness that surrounded her, the fear pushing her under repeatedly, allowing her up to breath only to force her down into the depths of her own despair once more. She shook her head slowly, and methodically destroyed each potentially fatal notion, re-assuring herself that this was the right thing to do, that she had nothing to fear now but fear itself. Her priorities changed, her views altered. She felt as if she had been blinded, as if the piercing light of day had stung her eyes whilst she rested. How could she let herself become so complacent with the way things were?
As intimidating as the thought was, she couldn't help but feel liberated. There was now nothing left to tie her down, and she would no longer keep herself hidden in shadows and places of comfortable convenience. She was no longer the weak and jaded creature she had allowed herself to become. She would not be pushed down or held back, she would take to her husband’s side and walk with him once more, not behind him ever again. She would go to find, and this time, keep herself. The twisted locks of flaming auburn that graced her slender shoulders just a hint of the passions and determination blazing within, the fire would no longer be quenched. Stepping out into the cold and darkened city she felt the weighty shadows that had so selfishly clutched at her begin at last to slide away. Smiling secretly and strangely to herself, hips swaying in a sensual rhythm with the walk of one who had a new found sense of self and quiet confidence, Jocelyn melded carefully into beautiful blackness taking in all of the city she had forgotten with those timeless blue eyes, open at last. She could breath.
If the tears that turned her eyes to glass were to fall, they could drown cities, missing as she did her Andre, her husband, the man that she would live for. If her black heart would bleed, it would do so for him alone, and now he was, as the world they once shared, terribly out of reach. She breathed deep, taming the feeling of remorse building in her chest. Now that Anna had agreed to let her go, and had severed the tie that held them together, Jocelyn was feeling truly alone. She felt as if she was suffocating beneath the darkness that surrounded her, the fear pushing her under repeatedly, allowing her up to breath only to force her down into the depths of her own despair once more. She shook her head slowly, and methodically destroyed each potentially fatal notion, re-assuring herself that this was the right thing to do, that she had nothing to fear now but fear itself. Her priorities changed, her views altered. She felt as if she had been blinded, as if the piercing light of day had stung her eyes whilst she rested. How could she let herself become so complacent with the way things were?
As intimidating as the thought was, she couldn't help but feel liberated. There was now nothing left to tie her down, and she would no longer keep herself hidden in shadows and places of comfortable convenience. She was no longer the weak and jaded creature she had allowed herself to become. She would not be pushed down or held back, she would take to her husband’s side and walk with him once more, not behind him ever again. She would go to find, and this time, keep herself. The twisted locks of flaming auburn that graced her slender shoulders just a hint of the passions and determination blazing within, the fire would no longer be quenched. Stepping out into the cold and darkened city she felt the weighty shadows that had so selfishly clutched at her begin at last to slide away. Smiling secretly and strangely to herself, hips swaying in a sensual rhythm with the walk of one who had a new found sense of self and quiet confidence, Jocelyn melded carefully into beautiful blackness taking in all of the city she had forgotten with those timeless blue eyes, open at last. She could breath.